Nicole's Healthy Living

28.01.25 03:59 PM - By hello

Holding Space – Taking Good and Tender Care of Yourself and Others

This article is written by Sue T. A member of the Little Sanctuary Pilates community. A lover of movement, thought and peace. 

We thank Sue for writing this beautiful piece about Holding Space. Please take the time to read and reflect on what this means for you. 

This article is written by Sue T. A member of the Little Sanctuary Pilates community. A lover of movement, thought and peace. 

We thank Sue for writing this beautiful piece about Holding Space. Please take the time to read and reflect on what this means for you. 

Have you heard the term “Holding Space”? It’s been around for a few years, and
gets bandied about a lot, and, like lots of things, is in danger of losing its deeper
meaning because of it. It’s a lot more than a “holding space for you” text message.

So, what does it mean? In her book, “The Art of Holding Space”, Heather Plett
defines holding space as “what we do when we walk alongside a person or group on
a journey through liminal space. We do this without making them feel inadequate,
without trying to fix them, and without trying to impact the outcome. We open our
hearts, offer unconditional support, and let go of [our own] comfort and control.”

There’s a lot in that sentence. The first thing is the term ‘liminal space’. Very simply,
liminal space means being in a time of uncertainty, restlessness, fear, or discomfort,
among other things, not knowing what the end of this time might look like. If you think
of the life cycle of the butterfly – caterpillar to chrysalis to butterfly - liminal space is
the time in the chrysalis, where it’s all messy and unformed, and quite a bit of
vulnerability.
For example, I might arrive at the pilates studio feeling like a caterpillar (I’m feeling sort of ok, but I want to feel better about myself). I spend the hour immersed in the moment – the chrysalis (I’m feeling a bit unsure and vulnerable - You want me to do what? Hmmm… can I actually do that?) - and it’s hard work moving my body in ways I didn’t know I could. I leave feeling transformed (I did it! I’m feeling so much betterthan when I arrived), much like a butterfly.

And while I’m in the studio, Nicole and Merve have been holding space for me –listening to my needs, encouraging and supporting me, not doing it for me but working with me for the best outcome for me, not what they think should be the outcome.
There are times in life I hold space for myself, taking good and tender care of myself in those times when I feel as though life isn’t going the way I want it to, or I feel stuck or caught in a holding pattern of unhealthy behaviours, or insecurity and doubt, or
being overly self-critical. Holding space for myself at these times can look like stopping to notice, breathe, slow down. It can look like committing to a regular practice of moving my body, like pilates, or walking/running, to strengthen my body, or regularly meditating or beach walking to calm my nervous system. Holding space for myself can look like taking time to slowly drink a glass of sparkling water and slowly eat a tasty salad (looking at you Goddess Bowl in all your colourful
gloriousness). It might look like reading a few pages of a book that nourishes my mind, sitting under a shady tree at the beach and watching the waves roll in, taking a moment of quiet amidst the chaos of care for children or elders, instead of scrolling
social media or getting caught up in negative divisive news cycles. Holding space for myself might look like removing myself from unhealthy work places or relationships, or doing a course which empowers me and opens opportunities for expansion.Holding space for myself might look like seeking out relationships which are mutually supportive and respectful. These are some examples of ways I hold space for myself.
And then, we can hold space for others. These are the times of being with a family member, a beloved, a friend, an acquaintance, when they are going through a time of change or having a rough patch. We are with them in a way where they feel supported how they want to be supported, not how we think they should be supported. We don’t tell them what to do, or how to do it. Instead, we listen, and ask them what they want from us, or how they want us to help (sometimes they don’t want anything other than a listening non-judgemental ear). Holding space for others is about being with them, rather than doing for them, in a non-judgemental way.
I hope these words have sparked something for you. Something which invites you to take good and tender care of yourself as you move in a world which constantly shouts for our attention.

Sue is a member of the Little Pilates Sanctuary Community, and is currently doing the Centre for Holding Space Practitioner Certification Program.

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